Raising Free Children, Resisting "Ally" Cookies

Longish story and reflection mostly directed towards my white friends here. Please no cookies in the comments.

Story: The Boy is at Aquarium camp this week so we took the train home together during rush hour (OMG it was amazing I appreciate his presence so much). This dude is currently obsessed with the early history of the US and enjoys sharing facts back and forth, I had none so I did my Googles and played along. The fact I find to share had the word slave in the sentence twice. I read it to him and interrupted myself, "Honey, I misspoke. I'd like you to try something with me. Let's not say slaves anymore, let's say enslaved people. When we say slave it makes it their whole identity, not people not human, but slaves. When we say enslaved people it honors that they are human, and recognizes that something was done to them." 

Now like, I know that's a lot y'all but The Boy is really smart. He gives me his thinking face (pushing his loose tooth out sideways between his lips which makes me gag) for 10 seconds. Then he says "Actually that makes a lot of sense. I don't understand why people don't say it that way.... ...... wait they probably said it that way on purpose cos like you can't call someone a person and be ok slaving them, right? Like right?"

I'm like, right. Convo and commute continue. We get off the train and on the escalator behind us a man who is Black and maybe 10 years older than me taps me on the shoulder. He overheard our conversation and with a warm smile thanked me for having real conversations with my child about this country's racist history.

Reflection: I feel like urban whites my age and sheltered suburban whites of any age are surprised at the racist times we are living in. White people need to be personally affected to be aware. Inexcusable ignorance and a disgusting reality. I see memes with quotes like "if you wondered what you would do in Civil Rights, whatever you're doing now is your answer." The shit is daunting and overwhelming, but no action is action. And sometimes action doesn't feel like much, but telling the truth within our families IS action. You don't need to aggressively "check" people left and right to make a difference, you could mention to your coworker that they often describe Black youth as "well spoken" but have never described a white youth that way. Not everything has to be a GOTCHA to be meaningful.

We also need to do this when no people of color are watching. With our white friends, in our white workplaces, and in our white families. Performance is worthless so if you only speak up when it's convenient or when people of color can witness it, you have more work to do. It's also ok to feel good about making someone else feel good without trying to. My good white person cookie tasted sweet today and I had to check myself when I ate it on instinct.

#nocookies #cantbestillonamovingtrain #teachthebabies