From the Vault: What do you believe in?

October 7, 2009

I believe in my child
in his innocence
his snot and sweat and kisses
I believe in smiles upon waking
which make me believe change is real
I believe in the brown walls of my girl-selfs home
and though it is broken I am not
I believe in courage. 
I hold it in my vulnerability.
I water it with faith and trust and openness

I have seen an abused woman turn abuser 
slinging insults and fists like lightning bolts
I have seen my father cry
leaving me behind
knowing it was the only way for us both to survive
I have seen the waters of the Sumpul
where tragedy flows red
and
the reclamation of that life source

I have had a partner stolen from me time and again.
Cos once you've been in
that's likely where you will end
I have been called a whore and a slut
because I like to fuck
and that's not okay for a proper lady to do
I have been denied pride
the confidence to walk with my head high
and the ability to tell truth from lie 
because I just want to be loved.

And if I can do anything at all I can
raise my boy to be a man
and that man does not equal
violence hate or posturing
but compassion equity and justice
I believe in my child
In being broken and rebuilt
In the courage to lay bare your soul 
regardless of unconfirmed judges
And I know
that with love work and hope
Mamas can raise babies who might not need as much rebuilding




**Written using a Reflect & Strengthen Our Sister's Behind the Wall writing prompt based on Assata Shakur's 'i believe in living'